Home Columnist THE WEEKENDER: ‘You Should Not Have Done That Department’

THE WEEKENDER: ‘You Should Not Have Done That Department’




It’s that great time of the year when we all resolve to correct something in our lives or change some behavior.  You know, we make our New Year’s resolution!  I’m a pretty old guy.  No, I don’t mean I’m pretty.  I mean, I’m old.  Over the years I have resolved many things mostly ending in failure.  Can’t lose weight or quit smoking no matter how hard I’ve tried.  I’m direct in speech and behavior and my Dad always told me that my mouth would get me in trouble.  He’s been proven correct many times!  Perhaps I can be more politically correct!

Should I be more tolerant of Sanctuary Cities?  I need to know if those places are only for Hispanics who want to live here or can other criminals live there?  Can I say criminal?  Are those places for Russian, Cambodian, Yugoslavia, German, English, etc., illegal criminals or only Hispanic illegals.  Can some of those Chicago and Detroit criminals claim sanctuary there? Who do you call to get the answers to questions like mine?

What do you do if you are sitting at a bar at Billy Bob’s in Dallas and some dude settles in next to you and introduces himself as Yuri Petrovich?  It sure sounds like he’s got a Russian accent.  Is it ok to speak to him and accept his offer to buy you a beer?  It all depends on whether or not you have any involvement in politics and then only if you are a Republican.  You can give him or offer him anything unless you are a Republican.  Who do you call and who can you check with to know whether or not it’s clear to visit with this guy?  The FBI doesn’t have an Is This Ok Department for advice.  It only has a You Should Not Have Done That Department!  If you are technical at all try Googling, FBI Can I Do This? Or, Alexa, can I accept a beer from this Russian dude?

If some dude named Robert Mueller claiming to be from the FBI calls back and asks to meet you about your Russian involvement, it’s probably a prank call.  However, if he says you won’t need an attorney and he only has a couple of questions be afraid.  Very afraid!  You would be like a little bunny rabbit meeting the big bad wolf!  Yea, I like being politically correct.  I’m doing better already.  Luv ya Houston County!  (Sure hope any FBI guys out there still have a sense of humor).